Shabamzy Advice #315: Your own T.V. show

Shabamzy Advice #315:  If you had your own T.V. show or Movie.  What would it be about and what would it be called?

Maybe you're a handy person and would start your own "how to fix heavy machinery" show.  You could play an international psychic spy who kills only with rare italian noodles.   Whatever you want! 

The question here is how would you like to see yourself portrayed in the public eye. How fantastic or personable do you see yourself being if you could control all the aspects of yourself.  What really interests you? 

For me,  you'd be watching a show on guitar players who learn how to fly simply by playing so fast it retards gravity.  

Shabamzy Advice #314: Making out with yourself

Shabamzy Advice #314: If there was an exact version of you. Not a clone, an exact, perfect copy with your same thoughts and desires.  Would you make out with yourself and how far would you go?  

Are we talking a little smooch to see if you're a good kisser?  Would you round the bases and get a Feel for what your body is like?   Maybe the thought disgusts you. You'd be the same gender and maybe you wouldn't even touch yourself with a stick.  

Though...  many of us do, from time to time, handle their own merchandise and it's not considered odd. So does it make a difference if it's another You touching You?  

Can you picture yourself rounding third?  Sweaty with love in your eyes?  Or would it be just for the experiment?  Just to see what other people experience when they are with you.   You'd learn so much I believe but at what cost morally or physically?  Would there be repercussions if you liked it too much. If no one else could satisfy you from then on?

Yeah, it's troubling for some of you to think about it. If you're really against it could that mean you don't like yourself or find yourself attractive.  No one would ever know. You wouldn't rat on yourself.  

If you're near a mirror, take a second to picture it.  See what your face looks like when it comes in for a kiss.  If you don't enjoy the image or think it looks bad, that is exactly what someone else sees when you pucker up.

Now in your mind, watch yourself hitting a home run.  how about that delicate slide into fifth base?  

Too far?  You tell You...  would you be gentle or take yourself like you were storming a castle?  

So tell me,  Yuck or Yum?

Shabamzy. 

Shabamzy Advice #313: Five years in the future

Shabamzy Advice #314:   Describe the clothing will you be wearing on this day five years from now. 

Will you have changed your style?  Do you think they will come out with a completely new type of clothing like the moon suits from Bill and Ted's Excellent adventure?  Maybe you think you'll still be naked in bed, eating chips and unemployed.  Anything is possible.   

Are you moving up in the world and right now you're in torn jeans and a tee but in five years you'll be in a tailored pant suit with shoulder pads?  

It's pure fantasy so spice it up folks,  walk me down the runway of your mind and let loose an outfit that turns the ladies heads or makes the fella's jeans get tighter.  

The question plays on your insight into the future you and the modes and trends in fashion.  

Hit me hard with it.

Shabamzy 

Shabamzy Advice #312: Why don't you just kill me instead?

Shabamzy Advice #312:  If you were forced to choose Only one of these things to experience for the rest of your life which would you pick; Music or Sex? 

Whatever you give up is gone completely and for good. You would Not be able to do it, feel it, hear it, see it or anything. 

For Sex, it would be as though you had Barbie or Ken doll smooth plastic crotches.  All viewing material would be blurred and scrambled. You would lose your drive and desire and no one would flirt with you. If you don't already have kids you would have to adopt. Your lover is now just your love. 

For Music, no more of your favorite bands, no more concerts with friends.  No music at your wedding or in any movies. Nothing when you work out, No lullabies to your children.  You lip sync in the car to the buzz of the air conditioner.  

So, what do you give up.

I know this hurts.

Shabamzy. 

Shabamzy Advice #311: Punch a flying pony

Shabamzy Advice #311: If you could fight any mythical creature which one would you fight and why?

You could take on the Kraken from the top of a mountain. Head to Transilvania and stake Dracula or maybe drop kick an endless host of Ewoks. It's your call.  I'd like to know why you'd go toe to toe/claw/hoof with your chosen monster and what weapons you'd bring along?   

Did the movie Aliens scare the crap out of you as a kid and now you want a round with the Queen Biatch?  Some swift rabbit punches to her baby spawning tummy perhaps? 

So what's it going to be?  Who will you slay?

Shabamzy.

Shabamzy Advice #310: J as in Jungleboogie

Shabamzy Advice #310: What's in your name?

We've all done it on the phone.  Spelling out your name and using a word that starts with the same letter to make sure the person understood it correctly.  After a particularly dim individual just couldn't get my name right even with the extra word clues on the phone I found myself wondering if it would help if I jazzed up the words a bit for impact.   So take a moment and follow along with cool words of your own.

JUSTIN

J as in Jungleboogie
U as in Upskirt
S as in Sumpin Sumpin
T as in Tiger rodeo
I as in Intervenes drugs
N as in Narwhal (the greatest animal on earth!)

Picture yourself knocking those out to some spud cruncher from the phone company that needs your name fifteen times so they can pedal their horrendous crap (Rocket stick I'm looking at you) and getting a well deserved laugh.

Shoot me a message with your name spelled out this way.

Shabamzy.

Shabamzy Advice #309: Jailbreak!

Shabamzy Advice #309:  How close would you have to be with someone to aid and abed them if they broke out of prison.

Are you the danger seeker who would help an old high school classmate you used to toke with in the forest behind the portables?  If you got that call late at night that he/she'd be sprung and needed clothes, money and a gun would you assist?

Now how about a real close friend. Your best buddy in the world broke out and needs a syringe so he can drug a bank guard and get enough money from the heist to live like a rap star in the Bahamas.  Do you call the cops and have his criminal ass tossed back in the slammer?  Or do you risk the hard time yourself and fly down with him.   What part of you wants to live that story?  Are you morally straight enough to send him back.

Last, your Mom did some bad things in her life and spends her days sitting on a cold cot in her cell. One day she shows up in an orange coverall and needs your rent money?   Now do you aid her, or are you on that blackberry doing the 911 dance?

Where along the scale of morality are you with these things?

Shabamzy.